Hello, dear readers. For today’s Thursday Thoughts, I want to share some reflections on habits and habit formation. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes to build good habits, especially as a writer. We often hear writers should “write every day,” but that’s easier said than done. I used to think that once I mastered a daily writing habit, it would become second nature. But over time, I’ve realized that forming habits isn’t exactly what I expected.
The Myth of Automatic Habits
I used to believe that once a habit was established, it would become automatic, requiring little to no effort. It’s a nice idea, but it never worked that way for me. Even basic tasks like brushing my teeth or finding time to read still take conscious effort, no matter how long I’ve been doing them daily. For a while, I thought I was just bad at creating habits, but when I looked back on my childhood, I realized I had never truly learned how to build habits or even what a fully formed habit looked like.
Growing up in primary and secondary school, my days were filled with classes and sports, so there wasn’t much room for developing new habits beyond the basics, like eating and grooming. Reflecting on this, I realized I didn’t feel in control of the habits I did manage to form. For example, regular meals were non-negotiable because blood sugar fluctuations made skipping them risky. And as a pastor’s kid, appearances also mattered, so I learned quickly that not brushing my hair would prompt my mom to step in and ensure I looked presentable.
I didn’t necessarily want to eat three meals a day at set times or always check my appearance before leaving the house, but as a child, my parents enforced these routines until they became second nature. It wasn’t until college that I realized I didn’t know what conscious habit formation looked like—when I was in control of choosing the habit.
Forming Personal Habits
When I reached college, the need to form my own habits became more pressing. The courses were more complex, and I struggled with the amount of study required. I turned to my mom, a seasoned teacher, for study tips. Her guidance was invaluable, but relying on her blurred the lines within myself between self-motivated habits and habits influenced by external advice. As I grew older and navigated retail and customer service jobs, even simple routines, like regular meals, became harder to maintain. I felt like I was failing at forming habits despite everyone around me seeming to succeed.
In my early 20s, I believed in the myth that it took “21 days to form a habit.” I became discouraged if I didn’t have a habit down after 21 days of flawless repetition. But in reality, just because you do something every day doesn’t mean it will become automatic. Some habits will get easier with time, but there’s no guarantee they’ll ever be effortless. Like many things in life, habit formation doesn’t always go the way you want it to.
What Are Habits, Really?
Merriam-Webster defines habits in several ways, but these three definitions resonate most when it comes to forming habits:
- “a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior”
- “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary”
- “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance”
While habits can become almost automatic, the first and third definitions suggest they don’t have to. As I have grown older, I have noticed that the less I rely on habits to become automatic, the more successful I am in creating habits that make life easier. In my experience, we don’t always get to choose which habits become second nature and which still require conscious effort. However, automatic or not, forming habits can still provide immeasurable benefits to those willing to see them through.
What Do Habits Look Like?
For a long time, I thought there must be a reason I struggled to form habits. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I thought I’d finally found the answer. While medication and behavioral tools helped, I still found that my habits weren’t automatic. Even when I extended the “21 days” rule to the next-popular “90 days,” many of my routines still didn’t feel natural. I thought this meant I was failing at habit formation, but I now realize I had unrealistic expectations of what habits should look like.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to habits. Some people may find brushing their teeth an automatic habit while sticking to a consistent bedtime feels impossible. I’ve had to accept that I can’t force a habit to become automatic, and that’s okay. When I stopped expecting every habit to be effortless, I found that the habits I did build made my life became more manageable. Ultimately, each person has to discover what habits look like for them through their own self-discovery, but I do believe that if you expect habits to always have the end result of being automatic, you are sure to be disappointed.
Tools That Help
During my self-discovery journey, I realized that many ADHD tools also help with habit formation. For instance, I started using Finch, a goal-setting app with a virtual pet. It resonated with me because taking care of a digital bird felt like I was caring for something outside myself, which motivated me more than other goal-setting apps like Habitica. (Though some of my friends swear by Habitica for its collaborative, monster-fighting elements—whatever works!)
Even with Finch, forming habits remained challenging. I started setting alarms for everything—from meals to bedtime. Initially, I felt embarrassed by this, but it helped regulate my sleep patterns so much that I couldn’t pull myself away from alarm-setting to get myself on track. Bedtime became a routine guided by my “day self,” the version of me that makes good decisions and sets my alarm, rather than my groggy morning self or late-night impulses to stay awake. I simply had to trust that my “day self” set that alarm for a reason, and I should follow it.
Visual timers also became a game-changer for tasks requiring sustained focus. Originally recommended for ADHD and autism management, they helped me stay on task, especially with writing projects like my first book, Simon the Mage. Timers turned writing sessions from daunting marathons into manageable intervals.
Building Writing Habits
When it comes to writing, I’ve learned that everyone has to figure out what works best for them. For me, writing in short, timed sessions was key. I started with 15-minute intervals, and gradually, those sessions grew longer.
Journaling also became a helpful tool. Through therapeutic journaling, I explored the fears and insecurities that were blocking my creativity. I realized I had been comparing myself to literary giants like J.K. Rowling and Rick Riordan. However, revisiting their works reminded me that every great author started with one sentence at a time.
Daily reading also helped. By re-reading books I loved, I gained new perspectives. I saw that even the best authors didn’t achieve greatness overnight—they persisted. Habit formation, like writing, is a gradual process of leveling up and building skill and stamina along the way.
The Journey Continues
My blog has become a testament to my habit-building journey. Every post I write, every word I share, reflects the progress I’ve made—slow and steady. I still struggle to find time to write amidst a busy schedule, but with my timers, journaling, and regular reading, I’ve been able to keep going, one sentence at a time.
Through this journey, I’ve learned that habits aren’t about automation—they’re about perseverance and adaptability. External aids and structured routines have been lifelines, helping me through both personal and professional challenges. Today, my habits are still a work in progress, but things become easier the more I do them, like gaining experience points in a video game. Every small victory—a writing goal met, a routine maintained—adds up.
I’ve come to accept that some habits may never feel effortless. True growth happens through daily commitment and persistence through setbacks. Habit formation isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about building resilience and adaptability.
I wish you all the best in your own habit-building journey!
Happy writing and habit-building!
B.R. Quinn
B.R. Quinn 