Hello, my dear readers. For today’s Thursday’s Thoughts, I want to address overcoming negative self-talk about being a writer or author. Many writers and authors can struggle to believe they are writers and authors because they have not hit certain milestones. But those milestones do not make you a writer or author at all.
I’m a Writer, But…
Sometimes, I don’t feel like a real writer. Despite compliments from others, I often struggle to see myself as a writer or author because I focus on what I haven’t accomplished. When someone tells me I’m a writer or author, I always seem to have a “but…” ready in my head.
- I’m a writer, but… I didn’t go to school for it.
- I’m a writer, but… others seem to write better than me.
- I’m a writer, but… many of my tales are not on the page yet.
- I’m an author, but… I haven’t finished a book or published anything.
- I’m an author, but… I don’t write about what I studied in school.
These “but” statements sometimes discourage me enough to stop writing altogether. In truth, I prefer to go by the title “storyteller” because of past prejudice towards myself at writing, especially since I struggle to sit still and “just write.” But putting that aside…
Am I a Writer or an Author?
When I get stuck in my head, I turn to facts. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a writer is “one that writes.” That means that as I write this post, I am a writer. Some days, I don’t feel like a writer, and that subjectivity can get in the way. On these days, I usually stop feeling like a writer because I’m not writing as much as I think I should. I get so disheartened on those days that I can convince myself that I was never a writer at all, even if I was writing just yesterday. But the truth is, no matter how I feel, I am a writer simply because I write. There is no measurement of how much to write to be a writer. The quantity of writing may affect how I feel about myself, though, unless I can turn around my negative self-talk and remind myself of all the writing I have accomplished, even if it wasn’t as recent as I would have liked. It takes some practice, but learning to lean in on my past writing pieces when I don’t feel like a writer can prove to my negative self-talk that I am, in fact, a writer.
As for “author,” one definition by Merriam-Webster is “the writer of a literary work.” I often get stuck on this by focusing on the fact that I am not a published author yet. However, that is not a requirement for the dictionary definition, especially if you look at the second definition, “one who creates something.” By imposing my own “rules” on what an author should be, I forget the second part: I create every day, whether I get it on paper or not. Just because I’m not paid or recognized doesn’t change the fact that I am an author. I used to get down on myself when I wouldn’t write down my stories since it prevented me from becoming an author. But that only keeps me from being a published author. In all the stories I tell my friends, family, and myself, I am an author of many stories – so much so that I can often remind myself of my favorites, even if they are unfinished. It helps me remember that I am an author, even if I don’t always feel like an author.
I Am a Writer and an Author
It’s hard to overcome my negative self-talk and prejudice against myself when it comes to reminding myself that I am both an author and writer. Still, when I have big dreams of becoming a published, full-time author, I often find that my self-talk strips me of the titles I have earned by telling myself that I haven’t reached the title of the “published author” or the “full-time writer.” During these moments, it’s most important to remind myself that I am both a writer and an author. I have to remember that any “extra” requirements I put on those titles, such as being published precisely the right way or being able to write full-time, are due to my high ambition and not because I have failed at writing or authoring.
Ambition isn’t a bad thing, but if I focus on my ambition instead of what the words “writer” and “author” mean, I am focusing on goals that will come and go, not on the person I am now and the writer/author I want to become. If I focus on these milestones, my happiness will depend on how much other people enjoy my writing or how popular my writing style is, and that is not how I want to center myself as a writer/author. Things like finishing a book or being published are good milestones, but they aren’t the definition of what makes me a writer or author. I still want to hit these milestones, but they no longer define me as a writer and author.
Regarding the definitions, I fit both the “writer” and “author ” categories. But whenever I’m overwhelmed with doubt, I create lists to remind myself why I am an author and writer. Here is an example of a short but effective list for myself:
- I actively write—even if it’s not every day or in the “right” format.
- I’m constantly learning and applying new skills to my writing.
- I’m taking steps to create a book and a website for stories and tips.
- I’m not waiting for life to settle down to focus on writing—I’m prioritizing it today.
Do Titles Matter?
The truth is… titles don’t matter… unless you want or need them to. I have wanted to be an author since I was young, and so the title feels heavy, like an entire lifetime of expectation for something grand. To me, a title does matter, which is why, to continue working towards my writing goals, I have had to return to the basic definitions of writer and author, strip away what my young self thought the requirements were, and build myself a new identity as a writer and author—one I most often refer to as a storyteller. It was a painstaking process to realize that being a writer and author wasn’t quite as grand as I had imagined, but overall, the process has helped.
A Change in Perspective
I know that I am a writer and an author. I have been through the above exercise many times to remember that fact. However, when I was on days where I couldn’t write, often due to other work or life responsibilities, I felt the constant pressure to embrace the “writer” and “author” titles fully. Most of those instances made me sour and upset due to the strain of the definition not being met daily, especially since, for a time, I could not put pen to paper or hands to a keyboard to record my stories. Around that time, I began to write the short story “Becoming a Bard,” where my character faced the same dilemma of not fitting what she felt was the “standard” definition of a bard. And in the story, my character concluded that she was a fiction storytelling bard, and she came upon the name of “storyteller.”
Not long after starting “Becoming a Bard,” I started calling myself a “storyteller.” I felt that this removed the weight of the terms “writer” and “author” and allowed me to express myself more freely. In essence, I worked on myself, changed my perspective, and ultimately decided upon a word that felt like it encompassed me wholeheartedly—I made my title my own, something I needed to overcome my negative self-talk.
My Journey
I am a writer. I am an author. And I am a storyteller. These are facts that I embrace almost every day since I use fiction as a tool to help me overcome a lot of life’s stressors. Whether making up a tale to get me through a boring day at work or creating ad-lib lines for my dog on our evening walks, I use fiction to help myself. Being a storyteller gets me to the same goals as affirming I was an author or writer, but coming up with a unique name for what I embrace daily has helped me to evade those “extra requirements” towards writing.
In the past three months, I’ve made more progress on writing than I did in over a decade of dreaming about “becoming an author.” I have had to work through what I thought being an author meant and realize that I am already an author. I create daily and don’t have to burden myself by adding extra requirements. And this has freed me to grow and notice that “becoming an author” isn’t the ending—it’s the beginning. I start by storytelling and end… well, does there have to be an ending? I can keep growing every day. I can keep authoring and storytelling for as long as I want.
Throughout my recent writing journey, I have learned so much. I’ve learned that inspiration isn’t everything—it comes and goes—what truly matters is showing up and doing the work. I’ve learned that there is no one “perfect” way to write, just a better way each time. I have learned that some days, I will feel like an author and other days, I will not. I have also learned that I will always tell stories and never grow tired of becoming better at it. Overall, I have learned that becoming a storyteller isn’t my end goal—it’s my journey.
I’m still growing, and that’s okay. The important thing is I’m on this journey, and I’m not stopping.
Happy storytelling!
B.R. Quinn
B.R. Quinn 