B.R. Quinn

Brynn always dreamed of being a storyteller, but others constantly persuaded her to abandon that goal. With her natural aptitude for magic and sharp intelligence, she felt pressured to become something more than just a storyteller of adventures. Believing them, Brynn set aside her dream and followed a path that matched her magical and mental abilities.

However, the world was less kind than everyone had promised. She succeeded in becoming a mage, even mastering multiple disciplines—an achievement only very accomplished mages could attain. Yet, she lacked the talent for magical research. Easily distracted, she often daydreamed of other worlds, thinking up fables to share with the children in her neighborhood so they would grow up kind and caring.

Her early jobs blurred by in a haze. She despised them all. Not suited for academia, where she thought she would thrive, she turned to medicine. She could remember countless herbs and remedies but grew weary of being doubted or under constant scrutiny of her treatments. Next, she tried managing clinical trials, thinking it would bridge academia and pharmacy.

However, managing trials had little to do with helping patients. It revolved around deadlines, pressure, and blame — often unfairly so — when outcomes were unfavorable. The worst was being held responsible for deaths. In the most recent trial, a child with dragonpox died while undergoing an experimental treatment. Though the parents were warned of the risks, Brynn, as the project manager, bore the brunt of the blame. That was the last straw, and she quit her job.

Unsure of her next steps, Brynn trusted her husband, Roran, who supported her decision to leave any job that made her feel miserable. He reminded her that only certain people can endure being yelled at and that it was okay for her to be softer and more caring. It was part of what he loved about her. Yet, Brynn saw this softness as a burden. Even when she briefly ran the front counter of a pharmacy, she struggled to last as customers still raised their voices to her every day for things that weren’t her fault. Brynn started to believe she would never be able to work and support her small family.

Despite her fears, Roran believed in her strength and abilities. However, she could no longer lie to herself about being happy simply because she had a job, for she no longer had one. Even with Roran’s confidence, Brynn fell into a severe depression that lasted six months. She had been depressed before, but the difference now was that Brynn felt that when she lost her work, she had lost her purpose.

The next six months were trying for Brynn, but it was during this time that she made the most progress with herself. Her first discovery was a new type of physician—a therapist—who met with her multiple times a week. Finding the right fit took some time, but soon, Brynn found Elara. Initially, Brynn was wary of sharing so many personal feelings, but with each therapy session, she shared more.

One of Brynn’s first breakthroughs was when Elara helped her label many feelings she didn’t know had a name. An absence, by definition, is something not there, but Brynn soon learned that even though things were absent, she could still name them and think about them. And that was powerful.

• Hopelessness. Brynn felt hopeless about ever finding another job, about being genuinely happy for more than a few hours, and about ever amounting to anything.
  
  
• Purposelessness. Brynn also felt her life lacked purpose. What could her role be if she couldn’t get a job helping others? She cared deeply for people, but how could she use her knowledge to help them? Was helping others truly her life’s purpose, or was there something else?
  
  
• Worthlessness. Brynn hated herself, feeling like a worthless piece of trash. She believed she was squandering her talent and intelligence. She couldn’t understand how she had a loving family and husband when she felt everyone should hate her for being so useless.

Brynn kept seeing Elara. She learned that these words led to feelings, and those feelings led to worse outcomes: lack of self-confidence, an inability to incorporate positivity, and treating herself as though she were lowly dirt. She didn’t trust herself or believe in her abilities. Fortunately, her therapist taught her many skills.

• Coping Skills. Brynn learned to cope with stress and identify aspects she could control during overwhelming situations. She realized applying a coping skill or two could significantly improve her situation. By applying coping skills, she found ways to improve her circumstances, creating lists of strategies and gradually mastering when to use them.
  
  
• Sensory Regulation. Brynn’s therapist explained that Brynn’s high sensitivity to sound and light was likely due to her mana sensitivity as a mage. Brynn learned techniques and spells from her therapist to muffle sound and reduce light. She realized she could manage her exposure to stimuli until her sensory sensitivity became a mild nuisance rather than a debilitating condition.
  
  
• Meditation Exercises. Initially skeptical about meditation’s benefits, Brynn’s world was transformed when she discovered it helped calm her breathing and opened her mana pathways for more stress-free spellcasting. She also used meditation for self-reflection, which guided her through tough days.
  
  
• Emotion Identification and Regulation. Brynn never imagined identifying her emotions could be so beneficial, but she was surprised to learn identification was a crucial step towards regulation. She discovered that while all emotions were valid, she could reflect on them and decide when they required regulation or were appropriate. Some emotions matched the situation, and she had to learn to sit through the discomfort of feeling strong emotions. But when her emotions did not match the situation, she learned coping skills to help her mind and body get back on track.
  
  
• Neutral Statements. For a long time, Brynn had found positive statements aversive, so her therapist suggested transforming negative thoughts into neutral ones. This shift played a vital role in her recovery from nearly five years of depression, allowing her to replace harmful self-talk with more balanced, factual statements.
  
  
• Interpersonal Skills. Struggling with social anxiety, Brynn found new confidence when Elara taught her various skills for navigating interpersonal conversations. While she still found socializing challenging, her relationships improved, leading to wonderful friendships and a stronger bond with her loving husband, Roran.

Though mastering these skills would take time, Brynn prioritized her progress over perfection. She kept seeing her therapist, and after more than a year of struggling, she noticed a shift in her outlook on life. Elara helped her understand that this change reflected her commitment to improving her mental health.

• Self-confidence. Brynn often relied on others’ confidence in her, leading to a lack of trust in her own decisions. However, she learned to fully believe in herself by using working affirmations to list why and how she would spend her time and why that was important. She gradually learned to build her self-confidence and trust her own judgment.
  
  
• Self-value. For a long time, Brynn struggled to recognize her worth. The most significant lesson she learned was to value herself. Although she is still on this challenging journey, Brynn now believes she is not as useless as she once thought. She often wonders what her true potential is instead of assuming herself to be a constant burden.
  
  
• Positive Statements. Brynn eventually transitioned from neutral to positive self-talk. While she still experienced negative self-talk, her year of practicing neutral statements enabled her to express positivity without feeling repulsed. As a result, Brynn’s overall positivity has increased exponentially.
  
  
• Gratitude. Initially, Brynn thought she was grateful for life’s blessings. However, the more she learned about gratitude, the more she realized she had been acknowledging what she should be thankful for instead of parsing through the small things that made her happy each day. Through meditation focused on gratitude, she uncovered its true meaning, leading to a more meaningful and appreciative life.
  
  
• Motivation. Once lacking motivation, Brynn often felt only pressure or panic could spur her forward. But by working on her mental health, she learned what the drive to keep moving forward feels like. What she used to attribute to panic and anxiety was often her body’s way of trying to keep her moving forward. She can now appreciate the motivation in recognizing that tough times will pass and good times will return.
  
  
• Acceptance. Brynn believed she understood acceptance, but all she actually knew at the start was how to acknowledge that something happened. As Elara taught her, that was only the beginning of acceptance. Through her skills training, Brynn has learned to accept life’s facts and forge her own path forward rather than becoming upset when circumstances don’t align with her desires. Because acceptance also lies with letting go of things that will not happen and moving forward with the path that is happening now.

Even amidst life’s stressors—like illness and financial difficulties—Brynn was slowly unraveling her destiny. She returned to her storytelling roots and gradually built her confidence, even if it was primarily in front of her therapist and husband. She accepted that a job wasn’t her dream or purpose—her greatest joy was storytelling. And although storytelling could be her career, it did not have to be for her life to feel purposeful. Not so long as she was willing to pick up a quill and parchment in her spare time.

It took Brynn many years to become a bard. She faced challenges in discovering her true self and did not fit the traditional bard mold. Music and poetry were not her strengths, and she preferred fables over true adventure stories, a rarity in her time. Brynn forged the path to a new type of bard, that of storyteller. This is the story of Brynn, an up-and-coming bard who chose to defy misconceptions and embrace the kind of bard she wanted to be.

_________________

Brynn put down her quill and looked at her barn owl familiar, Geronimo.

“What do you think, Nimo? Am I being too ambitious?”

The owl turned his head to the side and gave a gentle coo. Brynn took it to be a sign of support.

“I will become a bard, Nimo. I don’t know exactly how, but I think Elara is right. Writing like this has fueled me to believe that I can try and become the type of bard I want to be. It’s been a long journey, but I’m ready to start and finally feel alive.”

Geronimo hopped off his perch and nudged his head under Brynn’s hand. She patted his head, and he cooed softly. She chuckled.

“I can never tell if these pats are for you or for me. You are a great comfort, Geronimo.”

Geronimo cooed and hopped back a few steps, producing his leg. Brynn carefully wrapped up the parchment tightly and imbued a magical seal so that it would only open for her therapist, Elara. She worked with unsteady hands to tie the parchment to Geronimo’s outstretched leg. She was nervous about sending her true dream for someone else to see.

But perhaps, just as she had written, she was also ambitious and motivated, and her hands trembled with the desire to keep going. She decided to believe that train of thought, for she was now ready to start chasing her dreams, and she would no longer be held back by fear of failure.

When Brynn finished tying the parchment to his leg, Geronimo dipped his head and flew out the second-story window. She watched Geronimo fly away, wondering what her therapist would make of her story.